Out of Line: When Parents Take Fan Behavior Too Far

CLEVELAND - Whether it’s your child’s first time playing a sport or they’re returning for another season, it can be easy for parents to get excited. 

But sometimes that excitement can be taken too far – like when they start to interfere with the coach’s decisions or challenge the referee.

“It's very difficult when you're seeing something and you immediately want to either intervene, or correct your kid, or help your kid. It can be very difficult for some parents to do that because I do believe that most of the time it comes from a good place where parents are really trying to help their kids be successful in whatever it is. But of course, the lines get blurred, crossed, trampled on, and downright blown up in many situations,” said Matthew Sacco, PhD, sports psychologist at Cleveland Clinic.

Dr. Sacco said in those situations, the parent isn’t considering how their behavior could affect their child. 

It can cause embarrassment, shame and even be a distraction. 

For example, they may have trouble focusing if all they can hear is mom or dad yelling at the ref from the stands.

It also robs the child of learning how to be independent and cope with issues on their own.

He said there’s nothing wrong with taking an interest in your child’s sport and wanting them to do well, but it’s important to remember that you’re there to be a fan. 

“Parents are the most, at certain ages, powerful social influence until the peer group takes over, even more than coaches because they're often around parents more. So, it's a huge opportunity for parents to think about, and it's a lot of responsibility, because that really does mean sitting back, observing, enjoying, cheering. You want to cheer loudly and cheer the team on. It's just finding that space where you can make it about the kid and not the parent,” said Dr. Sacco. 

He said if emotions are running high, it's best to wait at least 24 hours before talking to your child's coach about any concerns or frustrations. 

The same goes for your child. They could start to develop anxiety on car rides home if they know they're always going to be critiqued.

Instead, just focus on being a fan.